Well, I am back!

Hi, I am back and here to announce that Distance Apart is official complete. You can read my creation on Qoutev, through this link, (https://www.quotev.com/story/8869121/Distance-apart-England-x-reader ). I would love advice and comments, or probably spelling advice, as I don't have an editor to help me with my work. 

I am also here to say, hey, it have been 3 years. I got over my depression, not completely heal but I am moving on as per say to lose a love one, had broken off my relationship, gone back to being single and resigning from jobs to pursue the great unknown as what Frozen 2 have quoted deep into my mind is a song that Elsa sings to the Northern Wind, 'Into the Unknown'. Added with 'Panic! At The Disco' singing it, I have the song stuck in my head for weeks on as it reminds me that I should face the unknown with a wider perspective and that not all hope is lost. Also, if you must know, my YouTube list will repeat it. 

I was in the mode of going back into the jungle and live with my grandparents but then in my mind I know I cannot part with the amount of technology I have been accustom to. But it would be a great getaway if I get to see my grandparents again and listen to their world war 2 stories about the Japanese Invasion.

So other than this, I would also like to introduce you all to my new story that I am working on, it is called: A dragon, A grail and Four Fates. 

Attached is the link to the story, (https://www.quotev.com/story/10358383/A-dragon-A-grail-and-Four-Fates) 

I am hoping to explore more on writing and in time improve. 

With this I end this script with Happy New Year for the Chinese Calendar Year of the Metal Rat and Have a blessed day.

My dream reality came crashing down and how I handle my depression.

It has been a few years since I was last told by the doctor I have depression. At the time I teared up at the mention of being depressed and started crying while nodding, affirming that the Doctor was right and why my hormones are unstable. I was also more sensitive as I grew older but I still take in good advices despite tearing up at the comments people gave me. I would normally beat myself up with my thoughts.

Negative thoughts are not one you would mess if, I would be sitting here and think of myself, "Why am I so useless? Where did I go wrong? What am I doing here? I'm so fat. I'm ugly. Why is everyone so mean to me? Did I do something wrong? I must have did." These thoughts are dangerous and by dangerous it leads me onto thinking that sleeping and die is the best way. 

I would then go back to my base and put on praise and worship to confide in because I know how much God would be disappointed if I ever commited suicide. I also will think about my parents and my siblings and my relatives and my boyfriend. How much this would hurt them because I was not strong enough to go through what I am going through.

I believe these are some of the bad times I would go through at the moment. Such as resigning from my job and learning to get back on my feet. Going back to swimming to my heart content to calm down my anxiety and to ease my worry. I would spend hours in the pool but I know my limits. I took more care of my diet now then before due to being admitted into the hospital twice within the span of a month. 

I trust the time I spend in the hospital was not that pleasant as I would find myself feeling numb from all the emotions and at the same time experiencing pain. First one was for appendix removal due to appendix infection, the later was severe gastric problem. Severe Gastric, a sickness you would not want to have. I believe my readers eat proper meals and take care of their health because if you get gastric, you will need to take care of your food.

Eventually, it also lead me to being stress out and a few dozen meltdowns I suffered after work. Resigning was the only way as I could not cope with the organization and the client due to their mismanagement and poor management. I was told that I would be let out at anytime depending on the client. I also hate mind games at work as it is not a healthy thing for me. My first job is really a disaster for me as I really am trying my best to cope with the situation but also finding out that this is not a stable job even though I was told it is permanent, being strikeout of the place by the client totally makes me thing this is going to be their fall as they want someone with 3 or more years of experience on the job. I was only a fresh graduate and this is a legit first job with a small company. I learned a lot too. Don't trust people easily. 

I kept a small written journal with me for the depression and stress and anxiety. I am still in the process of moving on from disappointing a few people that are really close to me. I am also feeling the relief wash upon me as I know now that my fate at this job is no longer uncertain. 

When I'm listening to the best 2017 acoustic music.

What pops up in my head on this blue Monday, where the skies are totally blue and a few clouds floating by; is the fact that I was missing my partner a whole lot that life seems dull when he is not around. He is somewhere in Germany which is half way across the world and we haven't seen each other in person for ages.
I miss him a lot. We do chat a lot and video call in times. However, long-distance is not so much as easy as you think, your going to miss all those physical touches which is why my partner and I were crying at the departure gates cause we are going to miss each other a lot and we would be seeing each other a lot less than the time we spend in London for our studies.
Both of us are graduates of the same university, this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuztKEO08Rs : reminds me of the time I spend and also how much I have learn to be independent. To be honest those were the best experiences I have ever had, I made a lot of good memories with good peoples and I miss them already. We are currently all in our own places doing what we have to do to improve in life.

Other things involve how this post is going to turn into a soppy romantic essay towards my partner, but this wouldn't be a nice thing for my readers. *laughs* In fact this is like the best monologue I have on.
I want to just say, if anyone is reading about this weird topic, this is a journal...a life journal..*laughs* and you might get trolled a lot.

Distance Apart

Distance apart is a fanfiction created by me, and I believe that anyone who is a fan of Hetalia: England a.k.a Arthur Kirkland, then you might want to check it out.

https://www.quotev.com/story/8869121/Distance-apart-Hetalia-x-reader/1 

Hello in the year 2017

Hey everyone that have read my blog. I'm back after graduating from University. Oh by the way, I'm here to update this blog with a few life stories.

Previously,
Hi, I'm Grace, aged around 24-ish but still act like a young kid of 10 years old. I'm an avid gamer and anime enthusiasts. Hahaha but with growing up I have been taken a few of my hobbies into hand and manage them.
Graduated from college in the year 2014 after my downfall in the year 2012 from Matriculation. Mind you, I have not yet found what I have wanted to be till the year 2017, when I have landed my first job. A job most people want, with all the struggles of stress and silent killers waiting to end your career. A safety and health job. Unfortunately this is my opinion.
I'm obviously a bright person when I was young but all this schooling and being scolded and also being the first child of the FAM, I have grown dull, sensitive, sometimes I think I have turn into a brat.
Which considerably have causes me to just linger here in my mid 20's to say that I am neither progressing nor am I moving backwards. I'm stuck in limbo. And yes, I have crippling depression which seems to bloom into panic attacks and anxiety. But I somehow manage that with a little prep talk and some shower singing and many others.

Present,
I'm just being a tomato cause I'm very sassy and I'm not afraid to fight. I may be silent but silent doesn't mean I'm scared or I would cowardly follow you, no I'm a fighter. I have been fighting all my life. I would stand in-front of a few hundreds students and give a lecture about how it is important to follow your heart, your dreams even the odds are against it. I would freaking help people who needs to laugh more than I need it. I'm generally labelled as the kindest person by the people that know me. I have always given second chance for people because I believe there is kindest in every other people's heart. HAH!~ But people, people aren't the kindest thing tho some are. Sometimes people see things in the way that if it benefit them the most or will it every bring them any profit.

For me and my experience, although it ain't nasty like some others which I sympathize, I would seriously say that Life is an adventure to you. it's a huge video game and your the hero in it.
Anyway, toddles my readers.


Regards
Grace Paul.

When your not in the mood for anything...

Ahh the week od lazyness and disturbingly staying up late cause you sleep till noon. That...that is the day when you realize you have nothing to do aside from house work and it seriously destruct the mood to do anything...and you got lazy...
Well I experience that..and I can't find a ground to begin with cause I feel so bored out of my mind...

Omg...what happen...

Me: *eats ice cream* bloody hell...*is upset*

England: *joins me eating ice cream* calm down...its normal...no its not...

Me: shush...*smack England shoulder playfully and shove a spoon of ice cream in his mouth*