My Kittens are teaching each other how to steal people food.

This is how my cat are when there are food. Don't worry, it's only plain water but yes they drank from my mug. The black spotty one is Tama and the fluffy brown-greyish one is Taka. I was there to deliver them when my mother's cat; Nana; give birth. And oh how we panic when Tama's siblings died as the mother held in her babies too long and only look out for me or my mom to help deliver her babies. Take note, Nana is a Persian. Tama and Taka is a mix breed, between persian and local cat. Hence their fur explains.

I took too many funny videos and pictures of them. For example this:

 Tama (4 months old or so) and Taka (just 1 month old) double attack their mom for her milk. 

 Mom: So many Hungry kids, I feed.

 Tama: Happy Christmas 2019!~

 Taka: Who woke me up?! Tis my blanket now!

 The cats just make the living room their slumber party bed.

 They wonder about.

Me: Tama out of the bag, Taka no.

Tama: This bag mine now.

Taka: What is this?

 

 Taka looking cute.

 Tama showing off her belly.

 When they bond.

 Tama becomes one with the cat statues I own.

 The differences in their size when Taka was born. Tama motherly instinct took over at a young age, she babies her little sister.

Me: Dang, how did you sleep like that?

 Tama: I'm going to stalk you, huuuummmmaaaannn~

 Tama: I sleeps everywhere.

 Tama: Mom...

Nana: zzzzZZZZ

 Tama: I must stretch to see the sky.

Tama: To Tired that I raise my arms and sleep.

Nana: To Tired to face up. 

Possible Thought Processing Insomnia.

Hi, as the tittle present I have insomnia this past week. And if I did not reach out to my best friend who is now back in London. I would not have been able to sleep peacefully yesterday.

Yes, this is about me and my overthinking before bed time usually. Thus, cause me to have insomnia. Also I have trouble trying to sleep as there are noises outside. Hence 3am and so on is my sleeping time and I would wake up at noon, causing me to either be grumpy, miss my lunch and breakfast, and also to feel extra sluggish.

I get it that I have been feeling de-motivated as of late, to be seen on the outside however, I appear to be normal. But deep inside I am seriously de-motivated, de-spirited, really feel like just laying in bed and mope around or I just feel really sad sometimes at a point I do not know what is going on.

Take from my experience, some dogs or cat would accompany me, stray or not, I think they are trying to tell me cheer up and I would just sit there petting them and give them some food with a smile on my face. After that I went on with life feeling down.

It could be a phase. To which I do not know what to do but be patient with it until it ends. Its like my outlook in life is as bleak as it could get and that there is very small lights out there in which I can confine to. I also look forward to just get rid of it.

Plus, I am extremely tired with everything but I know suicide is not the answer. I know somewhere out there I can do something to make an impact on the youth and to change people belief that suicide is a way. Many thought so. But to me, suicide is not the way to escape, it is the end of the end of everything in where you will no longer find hope or a second chance to fix things and move on. No matter how hard it is.

I believe everyone needs love, not the romantic kind. I mean the love or compassion and mercy, a means of kindness. The world need more kindness, compassion and mercy. The world deserve peace. But if we cannot find ourselves in the shoe of the other, we will never see or feel how they feel.

Look at me at where I am going. I start to rant about world peace. I was thinking about watching the Witcher or possibly get the game.

With these, I say, God bless you and take care.

Hello February!

Hello February indeed. A new month has come and January has ended, the sound of firecrackers still resound in the air as Chinese New Year still continues on from the month of January. The news on Valentines day resound on social media. And to those who are single out there, I vouch for you, as I am on the same boat as you. For those that hate seeing couples on this day, keep the patience and get yourself a bottle of wine, some pizza, chips, ice cream and a good old movie of your interest to enjoy the night alone. For those who are with your family, well you have people to spend it with. It does not matter who you spend the day with on Valentine's day, as it is a day of St.Valentine's the patron of marriage. 

I'm also talking about leap year. This year is a leap year and those who celebrate their birthday on the 29th 2020, I believe you might be younger than me as you don't celebrate your birthday often. Just kidding. I am here to say Happy Birthday and may your birthday be bless with good things for years to come.

This is all for my journal up here. Hope you enjoy your holidays as much as I do enjoy mine. 

Year 2019 in summary.

The year 2020, roll in quickly as I spend last year's Christmas busied with Church programs to get myself away from my mind and also the fact that I was not feeling any festivities that year. I put on an air of joy around me when deep inside the feeling I held was one of sadness and melancholy as I am reminded that this year was another year of failure at my career. However I did get to support my little brother at his graduation, spend money to visit Malacca and also to attend Westlife Twenty Tour Concert in August, right after my birthday. 

I remind myself that not all is bad last year as I experience a few stumbling stones on my way towards the middle of 2019. I got to learn a lot in the office setting but overall, it was not really a place I want to be and nor do I want to stay. I learn more about myself as I proceed down 2019 with the Go Bald Campaign. Yes, I was bald for the year 2019. It surprise everyone around me when they see me bald. I keep on a smile.

As for my career, I am stuck with the trauma of my previous boss saying that my facial expression when ask to do a job disturbs him as I usually have a harden face as I try to understand what my task is. Other than that, it is one of the reason I got myself to resign before I am fired. I do not find myself being productive to a manager that is not always around to monitor the office nor a person that I can ask if I have question. I was often alone in the office. It's dangerous I notice, there is also no proper security. 

Fast forward to after I left, I travel to Malacca and got myself refreshed with new experience and also an open experience to history. My little brother graduate at the end of June, which got me to travel to Malacca. I love the experience. Maybe I have wanderlust. It was a trip to which I walk around the city with my siblings, I even listen to 'Bekikis Bulu Betis' in bahasa malaysia at a mall cafeteria and ended up singing the Iban version to my siblings with a smile. 

Then after I got to the concert in August, I tick off my mental bucket list. I have a bucket list, mentally on what I want to do. What is left on my bucket list is to:

1. Bungee Jumping
2. Skydiving
3. Go to a dessert
4. Visit Sabah, Japan, Korea, Europe, and so on.
5. Go to a theme park.
6. Go for proper Comic Con, cosplaying as something.

This is the summary of 2019.

Love,

Grace Paul

Well, I am back!

Hi, I am back and here to announce that Distance Apart is official complete. You can read my creation on Qoutev, through this link, (https://www.quotev.com/story/8869121/Distance-apart-England-x-reader ). I would love advice and comments, or probably spelling advice, as I don't have an editor to help me with my work. 

I am also here to say, hey, it have been 3 years. I got over my depression, not completely heal but I am moving on as per say to lose a love one, had broken off my relationship, gone back to being single and resigning from jobs to pursue the great unknown as what Frozen 2 have quoted deep into my mind is a song that Elsa sings to the Northern Wind, 'Into the Unknown'. Added with 'Panic! At The Disco' singing it, I have the song stuck in my head for weeks on as it reminds me that I should face the unknown with a wider perspective and that not all hope is lost. Also, if you must know, my YouTube list will repeat it. 

I was in the mode of going back into the jungle and live with my grandparents but then in my mind I know I cannot part with the amount of technology I have been accustom to. But it would be a great getaway if I get to see my grandparents again and listen to their world war 2 stories about the Japanese Invasion.

So other than this, I would also like to introduce you all to my new story that I am working on, it is called: A dragon, A grail and Four Fates. 

Attached is the link to the story, (https://www.quotev.com/story/10358383/A-dragon-A-grail-and-Four-Fates) 

I am hoping to explore more on writing and in time improve. 

With this I end this script with Happy New Year for the Chinese Calendar Year of the Metal Rat and Have a blessed day.

My dream reality came crashing down and how I handle my depression.

It has been a few years since I was last told by the doctor I have depression. At the time I teared up at the mention of being depressed and started crying while nodding, affirming that the Doctor was right and why my hormones are unstable. I was also more sensitive as I grew older but I still take in good advices despite tearing up at the comments people gave me. I would normally beat myself up with my thoughts.

Negative thoughts are not one you would mess if, I would be sitting here and think of myself, "Why am I so useless? Where did I go wrong? What am I doing here? I'm so fat. I'm ugly. Why is everyone so mean to me? Did I do something wrong? I must have did." These thoughts are dangerous and by dangerous it leads me onto thinking that sleeping and die is the best way. 

I would then go back to my base and put on praise and worship to confide in because I know how much God would be disappointed if I ever commited suicide. I also will think about my parents and my siblings and my relatives and my boyfriend. How much this would hurt them because I was not strong enough to go through what I am going through.

I believe these are some of the bad times I would go through at the moment. Such as resigning from my job and learning to get back on my feet. Going back to swimming to my heart content to calm down my anxiety and to ease my worry. I would spend hours in the pool but I know my limits. I took more care of my diet now then before due to being admitted into the hospital twice within the span of a month. 

I trust the time I spend in the hospital was not that pleasant as I would find myself feeling numb from all the emotions and at the same time experiencing pain. First one was for appendix removal due to appendix infection, the later was severe gastric problem. Severe Gastric, a sickness you would not want to have. I believe my readers eat proper meals and take care of their health because if you get gastric, you will need to take care of your food.

Eventually, it also lead me to being stress out and a few dozen meltdowns I suffered after work. Resigning was the only way as I could not cope with the organization and the client due to their mismanagement and poor management. I was told that I would be let out at anytime depending on the client. I also hate mind games at work as it is not a healthy thing for me. My first job is really a disaster for me as I really am trying my best to cope with the situation but also finding out that this is not a stable job even though I was told it is permanent, being strikeout of the place by the client totally makes me thing this is going to be their fall as they want someone with 3 or more years of experience on the job. I was only a fresh graduate and this is a legit first job with a small company. I learned a lot too. Don't trust people easily. 

I kept a small written journal with me for the depression and stress and anxiety. I am still in the process of moving on from disappointing a few people that are really close to me. I am also feeling the relief wash upon me as I know now that my fate at this job is no longer uncertain. 

When I'm listening to the best 2017 acoustic music.

What pops up in my head on this blue Monday, where the skies are totally blue and a few clouds floating by; is the fact that I was missing my partner a whole lot that life seems dull when he is not around. He is somewhere in Germany which is half way across the world and we haven't seen each other in person for ages.
I miss him a lot. We do chat a lot and video call in times. However, long-distance is not so much as easy as you think, your going to miss all those physical touches which is why my partner and I were crying at the departure gates cause we are going to miss each other a lot and we would be seeing each other a lot less than the time we spend in London for our studies.
Both of us are graduates of the same university, this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuztKEO08Rs : reminds me of the time I spend and also how much I have learn to be independent. To be honest those were the best experiences I have ever had, I made a lot of good memories with good peoples and I miss them already. We are currently all in our own places doing what we have to do to improve in life.

Other things involve how this post is going to turn into a soppy romantic essay towards my partner, but this wouldn't be a nice thing for my readers. *laughs* In fact this is like the best monologue I have on.
I want to just say, if anyone is reading about this weird topic, this is a journal...a life journal..*laughs* and you might get trolled a lot.